so the more i find out about my disorder the more my life makes sense, as of late i've been spiraling downwards for the last few months, so now i have these pills to take, the last lot just screwed me up even more so im hoping these new ones will work or at least help
i'm also waiting to hear from my local mental health board, to go in and be evaluated so these are nevous times indeed,at least my minds remained intact allthough slightly subdued, my thoughts are still my own and there are no signs of suicidle thoughts,thats the sure sign that my minds no longer mine, this may sound dramatic but it really is this confusing and worrying my creative juices have since ran dry and i've lost most interest in other activities such as playing my guitar and my art.
the longing for a relationship is also amplified i feel it more everyday, but the fear of comitment and rejection still reigns over me.

so anyways the reason im writing this is to let people know whats going on with me, i hope a few of you out there still care about my antics,and whats going on with me.

i tend to keep getting distracted by other things lately too, i dont spend alot of time concentrating on things i've found i cant do it my mind wanders far from what im doing and i forget what it was i was doing in the first place. happily i can report that im not going senile lol its just the way my brain is right now its going nuts cyucling through the same thoughts over and over, sometimes with very bad outcomes. my emotions are crazy right now, up till a few months ago i cryed like once in my life, i find this a weekly sometimes a daily event, at stupid things mostly music seems to affect me greatly lisa mitchel makes me cry most of the time but its easy to combat with metal

the only thing i cant understand is the trigger for this, i dont know when this first came about seems about the age of 16 and that happens to conincide when i had a big operation i had.i dont know for sure though it could of just happened due to the course my life has gone.

any way i wont keep you any longer from your usual net based activitys
thanks for reading and please comment if you have any support advice for me.